A TYPICAL DAY IN MY HEAD

By Becky Brownstein

Becky is a  wife, mother of five, cleaning lady, chef, program/trip organizer, taxi driver, blogger and all around great gal that now resides in St. Paul, MN for her husband's education. She enjoys sharing (or kvetching) her experiences as a mother. Her motto? "When all else fails, laugh!" 

A TYPICAL DAY IN MY HEAD

*In the parking garage*

Yikes, it really stinks in here, I must clean this car today.

*At school*

Ooooweeebob! We made it to school on time! Yay me! I don't even think I yelled either. Double coolio points.

Oh crap, can't find the mitzvah note pad. It must be under this pile of papers and old diet Dr. Pepper can. I MUST clean this car today.

Ew, the smell is definitely coming from under Zevi's car seat. I should probably bring down some rags and scrub the seats too.

*At the grocery store*

Oh man, there is hardly any parking here! Why do these dumb people have to park in two spots, like seriously.

Oops, I guess I took two spots, oh well, it's the guy next to me's fault. (I don't think in proper English).

Uch, who leaves garbage in the cart? Yuck, not taking that one.

Great, my cart veers to the left. I'm for sure going to have a sore arm later.

Why do these ladies have to keep their exercise pants on? We know you look good and you actually make time to exercise, do you really need to rub it in? Her legs are so musculur. She for sure doesn't have any...what a cute kid! Man, I should really make time to exercise.

Hmm, I should probably suck my stomach in. I probably should have put on some under eye concealer. WHATEVER, I'm grocery shopping, I won't see anyone I know.

Wait, does she live in my building? Better duck into the pet food aisle. Ew, it stinks like pets here. Yich. No wonder I don't have any pets.

*At the checkout aisle*

Crap! I forgot eggs. Whatever, I'll probably come home and realize I forgot to add some other things to the list also. Guess I'm coming back here tomorrow anyways.

*In the car again*

Did that smell get worse? As soon as I get home I am so cleaning this.

Crud, I have nowhere to put my snapple. All the cup holders have crap in them.  Maybe that's why there is a nifty cap. Wow, I never realized that about sharks. Thanks snapple.

I should probably go to Walmart and get those other things I needed.

*At Walmart*

So far I haven't bought anything from my list and my cart is somehow full.

Oooh, clearance crap!!

*At checkout*

Oh boy, Maybe I should have stuck to the list. Should I put those things back? But I will totally use those things! Don't I already have some under the sink? Oh well, it won't go bad, I'll remember not to buy any more next time.

Oh shoot, I forgot napkins. Guess I'll have to stop by here again tomorrow.

*At the cleaners*

Thanks, Have a great day!

Dry cleaner guy: Uh, ma'am, MA'AM! You forgot your dry cleaning.

Oh boy, What time is it again?

*Driving home*

Hey there's a jogger. I should totally jog. Yeah right, I'll never jog. What the heck is she wearing anyways? Is that a bathing suit? What would I wear if I jogged? I would probably need new sneakers and maybe a pedometer. Too expensive. I can't afford to be a jogger anyways.

Maybe I should get a pedometer just so I can see how many steps I really do take in a day. But I'll probably just use it once and then shove it in my husbands face that I walk around too much.

That is totally why I can't lose any weight. I walk too much and my body is so use to it already. Wait, that doesn't make sense. Does it? Better Google it when I get home.

Gotta strip the beds, throw in the wash and wash the dishes when I get home. I will not go on the computer till that's done.

I should probably eat something.  

Maybe vacuum also.

There is no way I am cleaning the car today. I have so much to do. I'll do it tomorrow. I don't really smell anything anymore anyways. It was probably because all the windows were closed. It's fine. Or maybe I'm just used to the stink. Oh boy, that's nasty. I'll clean it tomorrow.

*Sit at the computer and do a bunch of random nothing for 45 minutes*

*Run out again to get the kids*

I need more coffee...