The Overweight Shidduch Maidel

By Mimi Hecht

"Your destiny is not decided by your daintiness….
...and soul mates are not just for skinny people.”

Dear Mimi,

I have been shidduch-dating for years now, and have yet to find my soul mate. People tell me that I am a great catch and that any guy would be lucky to have me. But why am I still single? Is it because I am overweight? I feel frustrated with the way matchmakers represent me and wish the shidduch-system would allow someone to first see me for who I am. The entire saga makes me feel depressed. I feel if I was a size two, I would get many more suggestions. Perhaps you can address this in your next column?

Thank you,

An Overweight Shidduch Maidel

Dear Overweight Shidduch Maidel,

While the use of intermediaries to find our mates is a successful method that goes a long way in protecting people’s feelings and narrowing in on the most fitting suitors, nothing is flawless. Your frustration puts a spotlight on one of the perils of the shidduch system, namely its inadequacy in representing and advocating for those that have everything to offer but may not be best represented by descriptions on a sheet of paper. Of all the complaints people have about dating,

Marriage Musings: Getting Rid of the Jiggle

**NEW LADYMAMA AUTHOR**

Marriage Musings

By Russi Wachtel

Come back every week for Russi's marriage musings as 

she addresses every aspect of life as a newlywed! 

Read more about Russi on the author page!

GETTING RID OF THE JIGGLE 

A jiggle here and a jiggle there and I realized that my affair with food was not kosher.  I picked up on this after trying to fit into my spring clothing, and after trying on numerous skirts and none of them fitting, it hit me! There I was, one year into my marriage ,with an added fifteen pounds around my waist!

If only my love for food was like an elementary school crush that ends the second some extra pounds and a few pimples appear. Sadly though, it isn’t. Foods, all kinds of food, occupy my thoughts and fill me with longing and desire, which means that my relationship with food is much more than just a fleeting romance.

Before getting married, I was able to sublimate my cravings for food by cooking with healthy ingredients while reserving the extra calories for the desserts. That way, I was able to feed my hunger while also giving into my cravings. At night I would work off the cake by doing some tushy squats and sit-ups and - viola! - I was able to maintain a pretty svelte figure.

After getting married, my eating habits began to change to match that of my husbands. My husband’s diet is a little different than mine in that it includes every single fattening ingredient possible. He is able to turn a healthy dinner, such as grilled chicken and steamed vegetables, into an oil-fest by making slight improvisations on the dinner menu.The hard part is that every single thing he cooks tastes like a piece of heaven. He puts such spirit and energy into the preparations of the food that it is difficult to say no when just the smell of it makes my tummy growl with anticipation.

As it turned out, not only did my healthy eating habits wither away but with time so did my exercise routine.  The result: added weight and an extra wiggle in my walk. My husband’s insistent compliments that the additional weight only made for more loving didn’t exactly help either. Eleven months and fifteen pounds later, I found myself sucking in my stomach in order to squeeze into a skirt that fit me just a few months earlier. It was a pretty tough situation to be in.  Not only was I struggling with the zipper but I also had to face reality that my body did not appreciate the way I was treating it for the last few months.

It was then that I realized that if I didn’t make a quick change to my lifestyle then the weight would just continue to pile on until I would feel extremely dissatisfied with myself and my body.  It took imagining myself as a sumo wrestler to really get me going.

With vigor I began to workout and eat better, which helped me lose six pounds. My husband has joined me on my quest and is also losing some weight.  With a bit of compromising and little give and take, we have been able to workout meal plans that keep us both happy.  

As a newlywed, I had difficulty dealing with the lifestyle change that came with getting married. I didn’t know how to combine the habits of single life with married life. Now, a year later and six pounds lighter, I realize the importance of integrating my old ways into my new life. Adjusting to the lifestyle change that comes with marriage has its complications. However, with some time and creativity, a couple can find the midline between what worked for them when they were single and what works for them as a husband and wife.

Is it Okay to be Fat?

http://www.algemeiner.com/generic.asp?ID=6300

By Mimi Hecht

First Lady Michelle Obama has a strong stance on a weighty American issue. Last week, ABC’s Nightline “Face-Off” debate series aired its fifth installment which dealt with one simple and seemingly straightforward question: Is it okay to be fat? On one side was Crystal Renn, a plus-size model who once starved herself to be thin to meet industry standards; and Mirianne Kirby, self proclaimed “fat activist” who is outspoken against the stigma associated with being "fat.” On the other side, Meme Roth, president of National Action Against Obesity and Kim Bensen, author of "Finally Thin,” who lost 200 pounds after years of struggling with obesity. I watched the show not because I was curious about the answer but because I was completely dumbfounded as to how there could possibly be a question. What were a bunch of mature adults doing taking up space on television to discuss whether it’s okay to be overweight? Obviously the question was rhetorical! The eye-opener came when Kirby explained that, though she is hundreds of pounds overweight, she considers herself healthy. “This is just the way my body settled,” she explained. With completely confidence she repeatedly announced, “You can absolutely be fat and healthy.” The other debaters didn’t bother to pry into the details of Kirby’s diet or health; they just argued in horror. But amazingly enough, Kirby’s sentiments found an overwhelming response of agreement on ABC’s site as well as various online blogs. While I thought the question was preposterous, it turns out that many Americans still think its “okay” to be fat. While anti-obesity activist Roth explained that people will justify anything to protect themselves, Kirby represented an enormous (pun intended) group of people that completely ignore the overwhelming evidence and warnings that being overweight is a surefire road to major physical and mental health issues. I myself can probably be considered overweight. Especially post-baby, I have some stubborn lingering pounds that I am completely willing to admit may have an adverse affect on my health. If you call me fat, I won’t say “okay.” I know the answer on the scale should call me into action. And I’m nowhere near obese! Why do my few pounds cause me concern and there are obese Americans who call themselves healthy? I can’t help but wonder, who will clear this up and make it known that being fat is most certainly and unequivocally a serious health concern? I worry, how will America ever tackle its obesity crisis…if we can’t agree it’s a crisis? Houston, We Have a Problem Enter the Presidential Task Force. Just two short weeks ago, the First Lady Michelle Obama launched her “Let’s Move” campaign to strategically fight childhood obesity. The national goal to create a healthier America is founded on four pillars: to give parents the support they need, provide healthier food in schools, encourage kids to be more physically active, and make healthy, affordable food available in every part of our country. To aid in the ambitious mission, President Obama signed a Presidential Memorandum creating the first ever Task Force on Childhood Obesity. At first, people praised the First Lady for undertaking such a seemingly non-political cause and instead choosing to tackle an issue that could bring America together in the fight towards a healthier country. But when the details emerged, so did the critics. “Let’s Move” initiatives that include removing junk food from school vending machines and raising prices for fatty foods have people crying that, albeit with good intentions, the government intervention is overstepping boundaries. But with a national health crisis threatening future generations, do we really have time to debate? While many American’s justify a body that results from too much fast-food and too little exercise, the First Lady is exactly what we need – a high profile, influential leader (a mom!) to set the record straight. Michelle Obama is bold enough to label the problem and use the “F” word with honesty: fat is bad. While Nightline’s debate revealed a portion of society that thinks obesity and health can go together, the First Lady wants everyone to know it isnot okay to be fat. With “Let’s Move” garnering attention in schools everywhere, we can be sure that our children won’t grow up thinking being overweight is a non-issue. The First Lady’s explicit stance – and her stance alone - may just save us. We can argue the details of her plan, but Michelle Obama is taking the very vital first step in attacking obesity: knowing there is a problem. mimi@algemeiner.com