LadyMama Column: Head over Heels

http://www.algemeiner.com/generic.asp?id=6258

Suri Cruise, the three-year-old daughter of celebrities Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise, has been attracting media attention ever since spotted wearing high heels during casual outings with her mother. While shoe lines carrying all styles of heels and platforms for little girls have sprouted up over the past few years, there’s nothing like a celebrity to push a fad over the edge. Fashion-forward mothers are now scrambling for the perfect heels for their tiny tots, considering them a welcome addition to their daughters’ “cute” and “girly” wardrobe.

But many parents are divided as to whether the added inches are appropriate for their little ones, complaining that heels should be strictly "mommies only." The concern: that heels are forcing our already-quick-to-age children to follow trends and play a part that is years – no, centuries – beyond their age.

But what is so age-inappropriate about little girls wearing heels? Why has Suri’s wardrobe decision incited such controversy? What really irks parents who find the style out of line?

A lot is lost when we force kids to be ultra-conscious of the way they use exteriors to communicate their gender. Being calculated in their dress and mannerisms is something young kids are definably not about, and for good reason. The less they are concerned with their image, the more unbridled their expression will be, ensuring they have the self confidence to better tackle a peer-pressure world that is already making too many decisions for them. For little girls in particular, something as seemingly insignificant as a pair of heels can make all the difference.

Any honest woman knows the power of a good pair of Louboutins. By nature, heels are a tool for getting noticed and communicating womanliness. A successful heel will elongate and slim our appearance and force an altered stance that accentuates our womanliness. The added height puts us on a pedestal that promotes our feelings of confidence and power. A woman slips on her heels and is immediately highlighting all the right features and loudly pronouncing her femaleness. In her song “High Heels,” singer Keri Hilson says it best: “I hate high heels/love how they look/hate how they feel… Starting to think I shouldn't have worn these shoes/What's the price we pay/For looking this way.”

This is exactly the reason little girls get a kick out of trying on mommy’s heels, and not her sneakers or slippers. They inspire a uniquely feminine persona that does not fit in any other shoe. Little girls know that mommy wears heels when she wants to look extra pretty. They know that mommy walks a little differently with those added inches. They know that, in her heels, mommy is more womanly. When they play dress-up and gallivant around the house in mommy’s pointy-toed pumps, they are mimicking their mother’s character when she wears heels – a character they intrinsically know they must grow into. Mommy’s little girl understands she can’t wear heels simply by virtue of being born a female. Rather, it’s a right to be earned.

In other words, our daughters’ feminine self is a work in progress. So what happens when a young girl who is still developing and defining her girlhood starts to wear the confidence and womanliness of heels? We can label it “cute” and “girly” – but at what expense? How does a young girl defining herself understand that wearing heels is feminine, but doesn’t make you feminine?

Today, even the youngest minds are impressed with American culture’s idea of what makes a woman, leaving little room for young girls to build their own identity. Mothers who feel they are nurturing their daughter by allowing them to be “just like mommy” should put their heads over heels. By entitling our little girls to womanly privileges, we’re meddling in the vital process they need to nurture their girlhood and naturally segue into womanhood. Until our daughters actually have true self-awareness and femininity within, let’s keep heels in the dress-up box and encourage what has been truly “girly” until now – unabashed expression, charming innocence….and a good pair of Mary Janes.

Taxi with the Tots

Practical considerations when taking a taxi ride with children

Are you destined to inherit your mother's body?

Are you destined to inherit your mother's body? - Women's health- msnbc.com

Want passionate kids?

Parents who want their children to discover a passion for music, sports, or other hobbies should follow a simple plan: Don't pressure them [msnbc.com]

Full article here.

Poll Results: How is your husband your best friend?

A mother's best friend is her...

Coffee

  (17%)

Husband

  (75%)

Blackberry

  (3%)

Fellow mother

  (14%)

Comfortable (yet trendy!) pair of flats

  (7%)

A whopping 75% of women polled say that their husband is their best friend. Husbands won over comfy flats, your fellow mother...and even coffee! Tell us why! How is your husband the best friend every mother is looking for?

Looking for Love? Perfume May Backfire

When it comes to attracting a man, natural scent works best

10 Untruths about Motherhood

Read the first article of my new column, "LadyMama," in the Algemeiner Journal!

http://www.algemeiner.com/generic.asp?ID=6216


LADYMAMA

10 Untruths about Motherhood

By Mimi Hecht


When I was expecting my son, the list of opinions, warnings and all around announcements offered by other mothers grew almost as quick as my belly. Spoken as if rules from The Bible itself, these mother-musings floated in my mind as my due date approached. But now, almost six months after the birth of my son, I am here to set the record straight.

1.     “Diapers will be the end of you.” I wasn’t exactly exuberant about what I anticipated to be the constant chore of changing diapers, but all that changed after the first poop taught me something about the nature of love. Yes. Love. It’s the only way to explain why changing a wet or soiled diaper can be so completely satisfying. I have anxiously awaited poops, sung lyrically-advanced songs once they have arrived and admittedly went fishing to examine the contents of diapers my husband changed. Don’t look at me like I’m crazy. If you’re not a mother yet, it’s going to happen to you, too. As it turns out, “Pampers” and “Luvs” are quite the appropriate names.
2.     “Say goodbye to your sleep.” If only! The truth of the matter is, I sleep way more than I need to these days. The little bit of sleep I lose because of the baby’s sleep pattern has thrown me into a nonsensical and desperate sleep-or-die mind-set. I grip to the heels of sleep with the strength of ten pubescent teenagers. As soon as my child hits the hay, do not stand in my way. I make a beeline for my bed like a magnet. Come morning, and – just ask my husband – I snarl at any attempt to let light in before I absolutely have to wake. It’s actually embarrassing. Say goodbye to sleep? I wish I could.
3.     “Being a mother makes you selfless.” When people say that, it just makes me feel like an awful person. How come this hasn’t happened to me? Am I the only one that yaps away on the phone when my child wants to play or uses Babies R Us gift cards to buy myself something?  Sometimes motherhood just comes to highlight how truly selfish we actually can be. And the truth is; we do enough for our children to not feel completely guilty about that.
4.     “It’s hard to get out of the house.” When I imagined leaving the house with my baby, I pictured load-carrying donkeys and caravans. I was worried that the need to drag tons of baby paraphernalia would be an easy incentive to live indoors. But in reality, I’m not carrying more things, just different things. I’ve ditched my perfume for Purell hand sanitizer and lipstick for Desitin. And besides, gallivanting around with a baby has its perks – like a stroller basket to dump shopping bags (and those of your friends, of course) and a magnificent distraction during awkward run-ins with friends you haven’t seen since the commencement of your post-partum hibernation.
5.     “Your body will turn to mush.” There’s a saying that when you see Jewish women dancing at a wedding, they’re all peeing. The thought of such loss of body-control was depressing beyond words, but I was already pregnant and couldn’t turn back. But it’s not true that your body becomes one big sagging sloth after having a baby. My body jumps out of bed with the force of a lion when my baby cries and I do these stretching lunges when he reaches for a choking hazard.  In other words, do not be concerned; you’re baby will reveal the Olympic-medal-winning gymnast within you.
6.     “Don’t listen to your mother.” I realized this was nonsense when the hospital’s lactation consultant tried to convince me that breastfeeding was au natural, and my mother was the only one to make me feel normal for screaming bloody murder. Yes, every mother has to develop her own rhythm, but the more you try to sync yours with your mother, the easier this is all going to be. She may have no idea what a Bugaboo or BabyBoon is and every time she says “we mothers” it might make you cringe, but she did raise you, and the sooner you admit she did an okay job, the better off everyone will be.
7.     “You will never shower again.” I tried not to get too close to the person who told me this. I knew she was exaggerating, but still. I remember thinking, as if a baby can really get in the way of the important task of tending to your personal hygiene. A few months later and I myself was mistaking Herbal Essence for some sort of tea (for all the mothers reading this - it’s a shampoo! Go shower!). Quite often, I would give the baby a bath and say, “We’re all clean!” But this does not do the truth justice. Mothers do shower, just not whenever we please or as often as we’d like. But our showers post-baby are nothing to compare altogether. A mother’s venture under the unfamiliar waterfall is a true clean-a-thons in which she actually removes dirt (aka, baby residue of all kinds). What used to be habit is now an entirely necessary, fulfilling and somewhat messianic experience. Think of this as quantity versus quality.
8.     “It’s the most rewarding thing you’ll ever do.” Anyone who says this has obviously never spent hours cleaning and organizing their entire house only to sit down afterwards and admire their work while drinking an ice coffee. Yes, tending to the needs of a newborn brings with it a truly larger-than-life fulfillment, but things like rescuing the lives of women and children in Darfur might rate just a little higher. And for what its worth, you can still be a great mother and absolutely love motherhood while admitting that there are other things you’d find more gratifying.
9.     “Your relationship with your husband will suffer.” Since having a baby, my husband and I have seen more sunrises (even though we often have no choice) and work as a team like never before (so what if it’s while tending to a spit-up catastrophe?). And if I can be completely cheesy, nothing waters your love for your husband like the sight of him going completely gaga over the baby. And when he goes that extra mile to lend a helping hand, it’s far more meaningful than a candlelit dinner. Yes, I do realize that makes me sound like I could use a lesson on romance, but it’s true – after you have a baby, there’s only more love to go around.
10.    “Motherhood comes naturally.” This was proven wrong right at the beginning – with the epidural. I don’t care if you’re Eve herself; motherhood is not a natural experience. It’s a work in progress. Sure, we have strong doses of intuition and motherly instincts, but we often feel completely out of our wits - and that is perfectly natural.

Every mother is guilty of projecting her experiences on to soon-to-be-moms. But any pregnant woman reading this should prepare to be surprised as she maneuvers her way through the maze of motherhood. The best thing a new mother can do is expect to discover the mom within, all by her motherly self.