The Feminist Mistake

BY KATE SAMPLE

Kate Sample decided to become an Orthodox Jew in early 2010 and prepared for her first Pesach by watching a Passover-themed episode of Gossip Girl. She has been trying to successfully balance modern life with observance ever since, and considers it her mission to dispel the idea that belief in G-d is unfashionable. You can check out her blog at http://challahbackgirl.com

"I simply cannot allow a group of women to tell me who to be in the name of 

empowerment, because I know exactly who I am, and I won’t apologize for it." 

The Feminist Mistake

Hi, my name is Kate, and I’m a recovering feminist.

For years, I believed I was empowered. The feminist movement won me over with its impressive achievements—I could vote, have control over my own body, and even grow up to be president thanks to women who fought for those things—and then it slowly tightened its grip with a lengthy list of expectations. For if patriarchal society demanded that a woman act, talk, and dress in a certain way, feminism did not free her from such restrictions but simply imposed new ones. 

In my younger years, feminist-identifying friends beseeched me not to buy into male-instituted beauty standards—as though lip gloss were something that my boyfriend insisted upon, rather than beg me not to wear it and thereby transfer it onto him. As the years have crept by and I begin to contemplate motherhood, I am discouraged from giving in to my maternal nurturing instincts to an extent that they supplant my career aspirations. Welcome to modern-day empowerment, where a woman’s place is in the office, whether she likes it or not.

While she is there, she is not to show her emotions. There is no crying in baseball, after all. Once the boys club has finally allowed her entry, a woman cannot risk making her difference in gender too obvious, lest they regret letting her in. In order to be taken seriously, she should downplay her femininity as much as possible; magazines are full of advice on how to dress to get that promotion. Marriage and building a family are definitely not priorities, especially because the modern feminist approaches sex like a man, constantly fighting against her own physiological makeup that bonds her to an intimate partner. Therein lies the rub: We have been conditioned to believe that to be an empowered woman is to act like a man.

Contrast that with the world of traditional Judaism, in which I am so often viewed as oppressed but in all actuality am given full permission to be a woman. In this realm, I’m not called crazy or psychotic—the two default options in secular society—when I get emotional or irrational. Oh, and I do. Not necessarily in a Scarlett O’Hara-throw-china-at-the-wall way, but most definitely in a “I don’t seem to feel like making any logical sense today” way. On a regular basis. The Talmud advises a man to speak gently to his wife for this very reason. While I am not yet married, my dating experience and interactions with Rabbis have proven to be extremely liberating with their patient understanding. I’m allowed to get upset. I am listened to. And I am not expected to think or act like a man in order to be accepted.

I’m already anticipating those who will decry this, pointing out the restrictions placed on women by Judaism. It’s true, though I see a vast difference between those who differentiate between the sexes and empower each in their own right, rather than telling one to emulate the other and subsequently claim equality. I don’t want to be a man. Every day I thank G-d for having made me according to His will, and I mean it. For me, it’s a not a begrudging acknowledgement of a consolation prize, but real gratitude for coming the closest to what He expects from a human being. My sensitivity, which I no longer feel the need to suppress, may cause my feelings to be easily hurt, yes, but it also allows me to tune in to other people’s needs nearly immediately. I follow in the footsteps of Sarah, Rebecca, Leah, and Rachel, who all had greater binah than their respective husbands and steered the Jewish people in the right direction because of it. Someday, I will help to guide my husband and my sons in this way. 

So while I am forever indebted to the women who fought for my rights in this country, Judaism was never the predecessor of a society that kept those things from me, and it is not trailing behind now. I simply cannot allow a group of women to tell me who to be in the name of empowerment, because I know exactly who I am, and I won’t apologize for it. I wear makeup. I have long hair. I shave my legs. I don dresses. I love the color pink. I cry at commercials. I can’t wait to be a mommy. I write to empower myself and others. I am woman, and I don’t need to roar to be heard.

Makeup: Stop! In the name of red lips!

By Vera Tov

Vera is a certified makeup artist based in New York. A graduate of a protégées Make Up Designory school (MUD). Vera has all of the necessary skills and tools to create an unique and fresh look for any occasion. Vera’s ability to realize the client's vision, re-create a look from a photograph or film, or develop a unique look, camouflaging imperfections while enhancing the natural beauty is truly unsurpassed.

In Vera's words: 

My makeup had been confiscated on more than one occasion in High School. How could the teachers not understand the fact that a mirror compact was an extension of my arm, and eyeliner – a wand, without which I felt powerless. Silly, of course, I know. Well, I was a teenager then, and now…I feel the same exact way now!

In the Name of Red Lips!

You may have heard that every woman should own a well-fitting black dress and a red lipstick.  However, classic red lips can be as tricky to pull off as fighting a red light ticket. The truth is, every woman can wear some type of red on her lips.  Still, several factors contribute to what will work best for you.  

Some guidelines and suggestions:

• It helps to know your skin undertone.  While doing some research, I’ve come across many articles that talk about skin undertone being the determining factor in choosing red lipstick.  In fact, the general rule is that if you have a fair/rosy complexion, you should choose blue-based reds (no, they’re not actually blue!) and if you have yellow undertones, orange-based/warm reds will suit you better.  What I’ve learned is that you can do the exact opposite to create a more dramatic/unexpected effect.

Top – orange-based/warm red

Bottom – blue-based/cool red

  

• Think texture. Some of the textures include matte (no shine), creamy (some shine), and sheer (usually quite shiny).  If you already own a matte lipstick, you can add some shine to it by patting on some gloss on top.  Conversely, to mattify a creamy lipstick, blot your lips with a plain tissue (not the soft kind). You can even pat a little powder over the lips.
• Banish bleeding.  Bleeding of the lipstick that is.  While we talk, laugh, or eat, lipsticks try to creep out through the tiny lines around our lips. Lip liner helps prevent that when applied before the lipstick.  I actually prefer lining lips with a light neutral lip liner instead of red.
• Don’t fear – go sheer! Sheer lipsticks and colored glosses aren’t as pigmented as creamy and matte ones. Therefore, they’re neither as intense nor long-lasting. They are great for those who want to wear the classic color without the drama. You may need to keep it with you to reapply as the color fades.  If you already have a bright red lipstick that you’re not comfortable wearing, there is a great trick you might like: rub some  lipstick on your finger, then apply it all over your lips, staining them.  Don’t worry about trying to get a crisp line; the edges should be soft. Then apply some gloss, lip balm, or even just some Vaseline.  The effect is headturningly (not a word, according to MicrosoftWord) gorgeous, in a more natural, nonthreatening way.
• Stunningly simple.  If you choose to make your red lipstick the focal point, keep the rest of the makeup more natural.  As seen on many runways during this spring's Fashion Week, models wearing red lipstick seemed to be almost free of eye makeup.  I recommend the following simple steps (Steps 1 and 2 are optional): 1) Apply a matte eyeshadow closest to your own skin color all over the lids, up to the eyebrows, 2) Define the creases and the bottom lash line with a shadow slightly darker than your skin color, 3) Define your upper lash line with a black or brown eyeliner, and 4) Apply mascara to top and bottom lashes
  • • 

Products you may like:

MAC's Ruby Woo Matte Lipstick

Recommended by makeup artists as one that complements every complexion

(I do not own this lipstick, therefore cannot comment)

L'Oreal Infallible Never Fail Lipgloss, Rebel Red 315
This can be applied very sheer or layered to look more dramatic.  It has excellent staying power for a gloss.  What I like to do is apply one layer, then blot my lips with a tissue, then apply another layer.

What I Want From the "Chayas" and "Deborahs" Talking About Orthodox Judaism in the Media

I am a Chassidic woman. And I love going to Mikva. Oh, and I also hate going to Mikva. 

Can all the "Chayas" and "Deborahs" get together and talk about that? 

What I Want From the "Chayas" and "Deborahs" Talking About Orthodox Judaism in the Media 

By Mimi Hecht 

Yesterday, the Orthodox Jewish community proved it was just dying for some good PR. 

Chaya Kurtz, a not-so-well-known author, wrote an article on a not-so-well-known site about, well, the certainly not-so-well-known side of being an Orthodox Jewess. It was packed with attitude and confidence— a positive tell-all about how being a Chassidic woman is, in fact, nothing like the quiet or oppressed women that Oprah, Dr. Phil and seemingly all of mainstream media wants people to believe is real. With lines like "We have been happily shagging for a millennia" and referring to her black-hatted and black-suited husband as "hot," she struck a chord with the Orthodox community who, within the hour, turned her into a mini-celebrity for becoming a voice that is finally showing the world that we're not imprisoned, not unhappy and not...so weird. In short, Chaya's article said simply: We have great sex. Mikva is a spa. Being orthodox is cool, man. 

Speaking out from the other end of the spectrum is Deborah Feldman, famous for her book "Unorthodox: The Scandalous Rejection of my Hasidic Roots" in which she exposes the ills and shackles of the Chassidic community from which she ultimately freed herself. Feldman has become a strong voice in the "unpious" community, sharing the details of her own marriage to a Chassidic man, and attacking the myriads of Jewish law and thought that she says caused her tremendous pain and suffering. Feldman's attack put simply: Chassidim have sex just to reproduce. Laws of Mikvah are a violation. Women are victims that don't know any better. Being Chassidic is oppressive. 

Although much can be said about the tremendous differences in Chaya and Deborah's communities and backgrounds, the debate exploded. Deborah responded to Chaya's article via comment, with a detailed, harsh attack on Chaya personally, her choices, her community. A blood-boiling, determined vendetta against everything Chaya proudly represented, telling her in conclusion "Please refrain from making claims on behalf of Hasidic women you have never met and know nothing about."

Ouch. 

What is going on and will there be an end to this circular back-and-forth? 

You see, where Chaya may be whitewashing, Feldman is also painting her own negative veneer. At the same time, where Feldman addresses real issues, Chaya comes across naive. Chaya's issue is that she's so happy with her life that she's glossing over potential issues. Deborah's issue is that she's incapable of understanding how someone wouldn't have these issues. 

Both of these attitudes are dangerous. Being proud and happy with our Chassidic lot to the point of denial is a crime to those among us that may feel aspects of Judaism causes them discomfort or pain. And being outspoken about stories of oppression and abuse in the religious community and insisting that Jewish law itself is inhumane is a crime to those who genuinely and proudly and consciously ascribe to the lifestyle.

There are plenty of proud Orthodox Jewish women who know that Chaya ignored the complexities and ultimate humaneness inherent in issues in our community related to marriage, sex and Mikvah.  Let's talk about me...


I grew up religious. I am darn proud of being a Chassidic Chabad woman. I feel respected, and empowered. I love my husband, whom I chose to marry without a single dose of pressure. I have never felt disrespected or oppressed by the laws mandating our intimate life. And yet, I know that Mikvah is a pain in the you-know-what sometimes. And I know that our community puts severe and harmful pressure on girls to marry. And I know that our lifestyle doesn't honor the colorful personality types and ambitions of all my amazing girlfriends. I know that my community is living in the dark ages when it comes to understanding homosexuality. I know this...and more. 

The thing is, I'm not so insecure that I worship a "Chaya" who loves her beautiful, simple Chassidic life. And I'm also not so fragile that I'll break because Deborah Feldman thinks that my underwear being checked by a Rabbi is a violation of my privacy. I represent the masses that are not being addressed—Orthodox and/or Chassidic women who can have a mature discussion on both the beauty and the ills of our lifestyle. 

So what about me? I am proud of my Chassidic life, but am also interested in and open to discussing areas that need reform. Get this: I love going to Mikva. Oh, and I also hate going to Mikva. This duality exists, probably far more than the extremes these two beautiful women feel they represent. 


Can all the "Chayas" and "Deborahs" get together and talk about that? 

The Orthodox world might feel empowered to hear a Chassidic women get all riled up in defense of her weird but beautiful life, but is our fleeting feeling of "You go girl!" really important to the conversation? What our tiny little majority is learning is that—lo and behold!—we're interesting to the outside world! People want to know what we have, and what we don't. They want to understand (and yes praise and ridicule) our ever-so-private life. Wow, look at all those laws. Does Mikvah work?  Do we have passionate sex? Is that allowed? Is it okay for us to speak our mind? Even to our husbands? Can we make choices about reproduction? THIS. IS. INTERESTING. STUFF. PEOPLE. Especially in an age where the world is finally seeing that resolving women's issues is central to a healthy and just society. 


But how are we aiding the conversation and educating those within and without our community that want and need to hear more? As long as massive statements on both ends are blanketing the entire topic, who is benefiting? 

It's the responsibility of both the happy/proud and the pained/disturbed Jewish woman to find a way to have this conversation with respect, a genuine desire to undersand, and most importantly, and end to whitewashing and die-hard conclusiveness. We need to speak, but not just from personal, but our collective experience. 

Deborah, are you capable of speaking not only from pain, but from heart and mind, to for a moment consider truths in Chassidic Jewish life? That perhaps not every Chassidic woman is blindly obedient to an oppressive regime? And Chaya, do you think you can put aside your sincere pride just for a moment, to consider that the same Jewish lifestyle you adore can often feel burdensome to some? That perhaps we need to recognize cultural and community flaws?


Now that you've spoken up, how will you both lead the camps you represent to approach these vital issues with intellectual and emotional honesty? 

Both the "Chaya" and the 'Deborah" experience represent truths and thereby deserve to have a voice. And that is the way we need to approach this conversation. This is what I will be working towards in my own responsibility as a writer. Until we generate an honest conversation devoid of all sensationalism, we'll all just keep spinning our wheels. Either our proud-Chassidic or our anti-Chassidic, but certainly loud-and-powerful, womanly wheels.  And if we can actually get somewhere—if we can grow up and stop being either defensive and out to prove or attacking and out to prove—we might just be able to capitalize on this great conversation. 

An Interview with Chaya Kurtz (of XOJANE fame)

Chaya Kurtz became an instant celebrity yesterday when she published an article entitled "What Women's Media Needs to Know about Chassidic Women," a say-it-like-it-is account of all that is misunderstood and ultimately "awesome" about being a Chassidic woman. Here she responds to accusations that she whitewashed issues in the Chassidic community and also gives honest advice on what Jewish women can do to experience Judaism happily and withstand the "obnoxiousness" of the outside world.

As a Chassidic-and-proud woman, I felt "Bravo!" when I read Chaya's article. Of course, I have more thoughts about this complex topic, which I will be posting later today.

Thank you Chaya for heeding the responsibility of your article and taking the time to answer my questions! <3, Mimi

(Photo provided by Chaya Kurtz. Photo credit to Shneur Menaker/David Zimmand)

AN INTERVIEW WITH CHAYA KURTZ

The Chassidic woman who wants you to know she is not oppressed

If you could put it in one sentence, what was the main message you wanted to convey with your article?

Criticizing all of Orthodox Judaism based on liberal bias is bad for the Jews; we (especially the women) are not what "the media" thinks we are.

Were you surprised with how your piece seemed to have struck a chord? Why do you think it went so viral?

Yes, I am surprised. I think it went viral because it is different. I work in web publishing and I know that content that is successful (meaning sharable) has to offer something new and different. It also has to be worded/presented in a way that is entertaining. I know that I am an entertaining writer. What I find really interesting is despite the anti-internet rally, so many non-Lubavitch religious Jews read this article and commented on it. That, I think, really speaks to their personal agency. These people are still sharing content and reading content on the Internet. 

How would you respond to accusations that you whitewashed a lot of issues in the Chassidic community? 

Why does every article about Chassidic/Orthodox Judaism need to be about the bad stuff? I think people are used to reading the bad stuff. You know what? For many people, our lives are fulfilling and not bad at all. It's about time that some positive words get spoken about the positive aspects of this lifestyle. I didn't sit down to write about the shady underbelly of Crown Heights. There are plenty of bloggers who already do that. I told the truth as I experience it, and as many women I know experience it.

Can you think of any areas of Chassidic life that many women do experience in a "imprisoned" way?

What does it mean to be imprisoned? When it is all rules and no joy. When you have the restrictions but none of the pleasure of learning and feeling connected to G-d. But if things are positive in your home and you are working on yourself and connecting to G-d as best you can, then this lifestyle feels great and not limiting. 

Do you think that all Chassidic woman are attracted to beards? How do you reconcile the possibility that some don't with the fact that they don't always have a choice?

How is it possible that there is a "shidduch (matchmaking) crisis" when you claim that women don't have a choice? I say this humorously, but I also mean it: First the buzz was that there is too much choice in shidduchim and therefore a "shidduch crisis." Now the buzz is that women are being forced into marriage. Also, not all religious guys have beards. Many trim their beards. Many shave their faces with electric razors. Beards are not ubiquitous. They are stereotypical, but there are plenty of guys who trim their beards. 

What can/should a Chassidic woman do if she is not experiencing Judaism as beautifully as you describe? 

The idea is joy. Without it, the yoke of heaven feels pretty heavy. Start at home. If your home is a place of kindness, happiness, Torah, singing and good food, you'll withstand the obnoxiousness of the outside world a lot better. I acknowledge that there is nastiness and harshness in some communities. Unfortunately, our communities are tainted by some nasty influences. Happiness starts at home. The home is the basis of Jewish life. Make your home a kindness-only zone; learn some Torah every day; talk to Hashem. They call it avoda ("service") because it takes effort. Nobody is going to take charge of your happiness except for you.

There are a lot of "gross" mikvahs, some in the heart of Chassidic communities. What do we do about that? 

Those are mostly for men. Women's mikvahs tend to be nicer. I think if the mikvahs are underfunded and not well cared for, it would behoove the communities to raise money to improve the mikvahs. The commandment of mikvah is so crucial to Jewish family life. It should be done in a beautified way. An inspiring example of this is the Chabad of Alpharetta, GA. They prioritized building a beautiful mikvah over having a beautiful shul. I mean their shul is nice and is a wonderful place, but it is a temporary building. What got the permanent building was their mikvah, which is gorgeous. I would love to see more communities follow their lead. 

Your thoughts on Deborah Feldman? 
She is a talented writer. She writes in a compelling way. I think she has a great career ahead of her. 

In retrospect, is there anything else you wish you would have included in the article? 

I think I would have identified myself as a Lubavitch Baal Teshuva (person who has "returned" to Judaism). It would have strengthened my argument. I chose this lifestyle and even though I sometimes feel pulled by the "old world," I stick with it. The idea that there are people who actually choose to become religious and are not "forced" into it by their parents could have added some juice to what I said. Also, the biggest criticism of the piece was that I did not identify myself as a Lubavitch BT. I hear that it needed to be stated, although pretty much everybody figured it out anyway.

Why do you think there is so much recent public/media interest in Orthodox Jews? 

When has there not been? The rest of the world finds us fascinating. Anything fascinating generates clicks and page views. People love to hate Jews. So file a sensational story about Jews, and it is going to sell. This is a very old story. 

How do you think the world will finally come to understand Judaism?

You want an honest answer? When Moshiach comes, they are going to understand. Until then, I think we have the same old battle we've always been fighting.  

What do you see in your future as a voice on Jewish women's issues?

I have an odd place of having a degree in Women's Studies, a career as an editor and I am also a Lubavitcher. I have a very critical perspective on gender. It took a lot for me to shift the way I look at things from Western feminism to a Torah perspective. I think I'd like to write longer, more in-depth articles on the subject. This piece was just a blog post. You can't fit the whole megilla into 700 words. I think at this point it would be worthwhile for me to invest some time in writing something more substantial.

Any closing thoughts?

I love Jews. I love Mitzvoth. I love Torah. I hope that people will see that there is freedom inside of Torah. Now the challenge is actually living Torah. But Hashem doesn't ask of us anything that we can't do.

Mad About 60's Fashion—w/Guest Blogger Elisheva of Bellabusta.com!

Hey LadyMamas! 

I'm very excited about featuring Elisheva Blumberg's pickings from 60's fashion, inspired from a television show that—whether you watch T.V. or not—is very inspiring in the modest fashion arena! Go check out Elisheva's blog and follow her on Facebook! She has a keen eye for great looks, gives thorough advice (like her latest post on pairing booties with skirts!) and always has a fresh take that is easy to translate into our every day desire to be beaaaaaaautiful! 

---------->>And don't miss her Facebook giveaway at the end of this post! 

<3, Mimi 

Mad About 60's Fashion!

By: Elisheva Blumberg from Bellabusta

The 1960's are having a fashion renaissance now. There are so many gorgeous, feminine and show-stopping 60's looks that can be easily adapted for a modern as well as modest look.

Here are three fabulous and feminine 60's looks that you can bring into the 21st century - all inspired by characters from the 60's era show "Mad Men!"

Look #1 Prim and Proper
The early 60's maintained the rigid women's roles of the previous decade. Although there were women in the workplace, they dressed in a very feminine fashion. Dainty accessories, perfectly placed hairdos and classic silhouettes ruled.

Try this:
To get the ultra-feminine look of the early 60's without looking too costume-y, you'll need a few updates. Start with a brightly-hued dress in a ladylike shape and build the outfit from there. It used to be a fashion necessity to match your accessories with your dress, but now it's just the opposite. Mix things up with an animal print blazer and pumps in a contrasting color. A vampy nail color keeps the look modern. And if you feel up for a something daring, try a  fascinator headband, which is fresh but echoes the hats of the past.

Look #2 Thoroughly Modern Mod
The mod look of the 60's was totally different than anything that can come before it. Bold graphic lines, op (optical) art, straight silhouettes and primary colors shouted youthfulness, demanded attention, and captured the hearts of women who wanted to break free from old social standards.

Try this:

Today, color-blocking is back. For a more contemporary and wearable look, try a two-toned skirt paired with a simple white button down. Go wild with accessories that channel modern art.

Look #3 Bella Beatnik
Beatniks were the original hippies. They're radical political ideas and taste in music and fashion set them apart. They wore a lot of black, simple silhouettes and displayed their open mindedness with unconventional accessories (like ethnic jewelry).

Try this:
For frum women, this will be an easy look to imitate! Start with a base of all black (almost too easy...) and add daring and offbeat elements to complete the outfit.

What do you think about these 60's inspired looks? Any favorites?
Come and join Bellabusta on Facebook for the "Year of the Vintage Photo contest!"
Guess the year this old family photo was taken to WIN Revlon makeup!

Elisheva Blumberg is an FIT graduate with degrees in Fashion Merchandising and Cosmetics and Fragrance Marketing. Visit Elisheva’s beauty and fashion blog, bellabusta.com and “like” Bellabusta on Facebook for tips, trends and beauty giveaways!

[The No-Makeup Challenge] Raizel's Final Reflections

By Raizel Druxman
[See Raizel's No-Makeup oath here)

Usually, when I am tired and my eyes are drooping, I just put makeup on 
and boom, I look awake! But without makeup I was forced to use 
the natural means of looking awake: GETTING MORE SLEEP! 

People kept asking me, "What's the point of this no-makeup challenge?" and "Are you going to stop wearing makeup totally?"

But this wasn't about proving anything or quitting anything. This was about challenging my self-perception, my own notions of beauty and the role that makeup plays in all that. 

And challenge me it did.

Raizel's No-Makeup Weekend: The Glamor of a Naked Face

Shabbos came around and I was doing just fine without makeup; I felt totally comfortable and confident and actually, it was kind of nice not to have to put on makeup, my face felt so fresh and clean. 

However, I was in Crown Heights for Shabbos and that may have had something to do with my comfort level since I cared significantly less what people think of me since it's not my community. The more significant "test" will be this coming Shabbos when I am in Washington Heights where I know A LOT more people. Since I think people perceive me in a certain way, I wonder what they will say when they see me without makeup (eek).  

Dassi's No-Makeup Challenge Weekend: Embracing the Me-ness

Friday: Getting pumped for shabbos! (Even tho I'm still allowed no makeup) having 2 very close friends stay with me is exciting, and the thought of greeting them fresh-faced isn't turning out to be the daunting task I thought it would be. I'm beginning to be less aware of my bare look. But don't get me wrong; I LOVE MAKEUP. I don't plan on always going bare after this challenge, but I feel like I'm on the verge of an epiphany... About which face I choose to show the world the most, and which I face I choose to call "me."

Dassi's No-Makeup Day 2: Improving by Removing

Most mornings, the very first person I speak to is Valentin. He works at the bakery on my block (which I frequent for my coffee and bran muffin before heading to my office.) So this morning I walked in and ordered a cake for one of my coworkers - today was her last day :( in the office and we were throwing her a party. As I placed the order I could feel Valentin looking at me just a second too long probably thinking, "Man, she looks awful." And indeed he said, "Hadassah you look a little different the last few days, are you ok?" I laughed and explained to him I'm going 10 days without makeup in a contest/challenge, and confided in him I was feeling a little embarrassed without makeup on. He spread his arms out and exclaimed (loud enough for everyone to hear, I might add) "You don't need makeup! You are very nice looking with makeup AND without makeup! You always make us smile and we love to see your face every morning!" I was speechless.

Later on in the day I read over some of the comments from my Day 1 post. Its so amazing that my personal reality of my self-image can be so drastically different than what the rest of the world sees. Thanks to all of you supporters, it means a lot to me, and its boosting my confidence! Even went out a little tonight with the girls, and surprisingly I was as confident as ever. Hmph! Go figure!

As I lay in bed now, dreaming of my new YSL mascara, and my Nars blush, I picture my clean and unaltered face in the mirror looking back at me... I'm becoming less shocked and finally beginning to recognizer my own reflection again.

Improving by removing,
Dassi

Raizel's No-Makeup Day 1: Day WON!

Well, it's day one and I'm already pining for my makeup. I'm unemployed so I think I have it a little easier; it was no issue going walking this morning without makeup and it was mostly fine hanging out in Starbucks with a naked face. But, as I started thinking about my night out on the town my mind immediately thought, "Ok, now it's time to put makeup on," as if it was like I was waiting to become milchig and now I could finally eat that ice cream. It was strange how natural it was for me, even as I am on day one of my challenge, to slip back into my makeup habits.

I must admit that last night I started to get anxious about my no-makeup days;it almost felt like I was preparing for a fast day and as the day is coming to a close it realized it does feel a little bit like a deprivation (or maybe I'm confusing it with my sleep deprivation).I am starting to feel like, what's the big deal? Why can't I just wear a little makeup? My friends said that they didn't really notice a difference (but I think they are trying to be nice ;) ) but I think I just look more tired. One of my concerns that I mentioned in my Oath was that I would feel less confident and not be as outgoing, but I felt very comfortable and confident today and notice that I adopted this, "who cares what people think anyway," attitude. I know that the point is more about my own perception, but for day numero uno, this will have to do.

This was great for my evening because, in full-disclosure (as is the policy in this challenge), I had a skype date tonight and, even though dating is an exception to the no-makeup rule, I only put on some lip gloss to brighten up my face. No eyeliner and no mascara and it felt great. I didn't get a repulsed look from the guy as my video screen popped up and we still had a great conversation. I do have to thank the other contestant, Dassi, for her observations that she tried to wear colors that naturally enhance and bring out her beauty. It took me a little longer to get dressed today because that's exactly what I tried to do. I wore a teal green shirt that brought out my blue/green eyes that I usually rely on eyeliner and mascara to take care of.

Even with my "who cares" attitude and my mostly positive experience today, I'm still tempted to put on makeup to hit the town. But like I also said in my oath, I know I can do this because I have a moral support network, so thank you wonderful and beautiful makeup-ed and makeup-less women!

We'll see how much I care when Shabbos rolls around...

Stay tuned! :)


p.s. I did give myself a brief pep-talk this morning as I looked in the mirror,"You DO look pretty without makeup," I affirmed, "You ARE pretty." Makeup or not, a lil' self-affirmation never hurts. :)

The No-Makeup Challenge: Dassi's Oath

My "going out" face

My everyday/work face

Name: Dassi White
Age: 25
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Committing to wearing no-makeup from Wednesday 10/27 until Friday 11/5.


I usually wear the following makeup on my face: Mascara, eyeliner, blush, powder, lipstick/gloss eyebrow enhancer. (holy cow!)

My favorite feature: My eyes

My least-favorite feature: My cheeks with no blush!

I am excited about this challenge because: It'll give me a new perspective, I think. I'm looking forward to seeing how people will treat me without makeup, especially since I'm sitting in the front desk of a very busy office all day.

What I think will be most difficult: I'm very curious how my confidence will change, because I don't think I've EVER gone out of the house without makeup since like seminary or something like that. What is it, like 5 years? Jeez! My skin could USE this break! This will be SO hard because I depend on makeup so much. I feel like people take me more seriously when I'm wearing it.

I believe I can do this because: I'm a strong personality! I'm not a quitter, either. Once I start something, I gotta finish.

More thoughts (if any): I'm actually petrified! I'll feel naked without it! But I think that it'll be good... help boost my confidence, and possibly help me to appreciate myself without anything covering ME. Can't wait to see myself without it! I hope I can last the 10 days!