SUFFERING IN SILENCE: Female Sexual Dysfunction (Part I)

By Rachel Hercman

Rachel Hercman, LCSW is a psychotherapist specializing in relationships.  She works at the Medical Center for Female Sexuality in New York (www.centerforfemalesexuality.com), a center that provides cutting-edge medical and psychological treatment for female sexual dysfunction, where she helps women improve their body image, sexual functioning, and relationship satisfaction.  She can be reached at Rachel@centerforfemalesexuality.com

For a married woman, the ripple effect of vaginismus can exceed beyond just the bedroom.

SUFFERING IN SILENCE: 

Female Sexual Dysfunction 

PART I

Sara* was a beaming, exuberant bride.

After all those hopeless Shidduch dates, meeting Dovid* was the answer to her fervent prayers and she was overwhelmed with gratitude at how much they connected. He was truly worth the wait.

The wedding was everything she dreamed of, plus more. But as Sara and Dovid joyfully left the hall to go to a nearby hotel, some fears started creeping up. Though Kallah classes had been inspiring and her Kallah teacher was open and understanding, Sara had typical wedding night jitters when she thought about developing a sexual relationship. However, she found comfort in knowing that Dovid had a very gentle personality and always had her feelings in mind. Moreover, many of her married friends said they had had similar jitters about the wedding night, and since they became pregnant soon after their weddings Sara presumed that their experiences with the infamous ‘first time’ were a gateway to something better.

Unfortunately, Sara’s ‘first time’ became the start of many attempts to have a ‘first time’. Dovid called his Rav after Sheva Brachos to discuss their inability to consummate the marriage due to feeling like he was ‘hitting a wall’. After an extensive conversation, his Rav surmised that Sara’s vaginal muscles were too tight and he recommended that she take baths, practice relaxation exercises, and drink a glass of wine before intercourse. “Don’t worry”, he kept reassuring Dovid, “plenty of couples have this issue and with time it will correct itself”. But the weeks turned into months, then years, and Sara and Dovid felt like their entire relationship was stunted from reaching its full potential.

Dovid was loving and kind, but Sara felt alone and broken. She didn’t feel comfortable confiding in her mother about her sexual challenges and she was too embarrassed to call her Kallah teacher. After all, she felt like she failed as a student. She was taught that initially sex can be painful, but that with time it would evolve into an enjoyable, spiritual part of her marriage. When that didn’t happen, she began to feel like something was very wrong with her, and it only got worse when she would attend Simchas and feel curious eyes scanning her stomach.

If only she could get over this hurdle, she prayed, she could feel like a normal person…..

*Names and small details have been changed to maintain anonymity

____________________________________________________________

Meet vaginismus, a type of female sexual dysfunction that contrary to popular belief, is not ‘all in your head’. Vaginismus is a condition in which the vaginal muscles involuntarily contract, making penetration painful and sometimes impossible. In its mildest form, a woman can tolerate penetration for very short periods, but it's unpleasant and painful. Or it can be so severe that she can't even touch herself near her vagina, can't have a gynecological exam, and can't insert a tampon because the pain is so intense and the fear so great.

In cases of primary vaginismus, a woman has never been able to have penetrative sex or experience vaginal penetration without pain. Secondary vaginismus occurs when a woman who has previously been able to achieve penetration develops vaginismus, and this may be due to (but not limited to) physical causes such as childbirth, infection, cancer, or even menopause. In both primary and secondary cases of vaginismus, the physiological and psychological factors are not only relevant but can sometimes play off each other, leading to exacerbation of symptoms. Thus, when a woman suspects that she may be suffering from vaginismus, it is essential that she have a comprehensive assessment that takes into account her emotional and physical symptomology. (For more information on vaginismus and painful intercourse click here.)

Suffering from vaginismus is painful from all perspectives; physically, psychologically, religiously, and socially. Here at the Medical Center for Female Sexuality, we often meet strong, successful women who share the heartbreaking feeling of being “broken”, “defective”, or “less of a woman” because of their vaginismus. As seen in Sara’s case, our patients with vaginismus often reflect on their suffering as casting a dark shadow not only on the marriage, but on their whole self-concept and identity. Feelings of inadequacy, incompetence, and isolation are commonly reported, and with time these feelings often intensify if the vaginismus is not treated.

For a married woman, the ripple effect of vaginismus can exceed beyond just the bedroom. For some husbands, the notion of ‘inflicting’ pain on their wives via intercourse is so upsetting that it can affect their own confidence and sexual functioning, and distance may ensue as both spouses associate their sex life with pain and negativity. Many couples we treat will share that they have become less physically affectionate altogether; the other day a patient tearfully shared that at this point in her marriage, she won’t even hug or kiss her husband and she feels terrible for it. She knows it hurts her husband and makes him feel unwanted and unloved, but she is scared that touching him may send the wrong message that she is interested in having sex. For this couple, as well as so many others we treat, they have adapted to the sexual dysfunction by living like roommates; respectful to each other, set in a familiar routine, but feeling a significant void.

  

Fortunately, there is wonderfully effective treatment for vaginismus, but many women do not end up getting the appropriate help until significant time has passed and the emotional pain is that much greater. Because vaginismus is often a private struggle, many of our patients breathe a sigh of relief upon learning that they are not alone in their suffering, it’s not all in their head, and there is hope in eliminating the pain.

In Sara’s case, a problem that went on for years was able to be rectified in just a few months and she was able to finally enjoy the sexual connection that her marriage had longed for.  While it took some time to adjust to having a sexual relationship after being so accustomed to its absence, Sara felt a surge of unprecedented optimism.  After years of isolation, she felt reinvigorated in her whole outlook on life.  She felt excited about her relationship with Dovid. She could smile as she looked ahead to their hopes and dreams for their future together.  And she could finally feel comfortable with her body and its wonders.

In our next article, we will be exploring some of sociological, cultural, and Halachic factors that come up for frum women suffering from sexual dysfunction.

Why I Don't Have a "Hubby"

It's as if saying "husband" would hold us to a higher duty that we just, well...can't live up to. 

Why I Don't Have A "Hubby"

By Mimi Hecht 

So, what exactly is a "Hubby?"

Is it a shorter husband? A chubbier, plumper husband? Is it an extremely cute husband? Is it a pet named after your husband?

I remember being taken aback when this abbreviation for "husband" emerged from the mouths of friends and was found splattered all over peoples' Facebook statuses. Watching the new lingo take on many forms—"Hubs," "Hubster" and so on—only deepened my alarm. I wondered, why isn't anyone calling this out?  Is no one else concerned? Why couldn't women call their spouses by their honorable title? What is this need to "cutesify" and shorten the appropriate title for an esteemed role? Why are women increasingly unable to say "husband" when this noble position is so central to their lives?

Potentially worse than "Hubby" or "Hubster" is the acronym "DH." "DH" stands for "Dear Husband" and is officially a part of the Urban Dictionary. When I first saw it going around, it took me a second to decipher. I refused to believe woman had resorted to referring to their husbands with two letters. But more telling is the way this acronym gets used. In my Facebook feed alone, I see at least one daily post from friends who are actually belittling and embarrassing their husband, yet refer to him by "DH."

In case you haven't seen these, here are some examples that reflect actual FB updates.

"DH said he would do the dishes. It's now 9:00 and he's passed out on the couch. Did he think I meant tomorrow?" or "My DH says he wants a Xbox for his birthday, but I can't bring myself to support such a habit! What would you do?"

Or from the blogger at DummyHubby.com: "I know for a FACT that DH has seen what garbage cans look like, knows what their purpose is, and knows the general locations of said garbage cans in our house.  But for whatever reason, he doesn't seem to get the concept of actually USING them."

In all these examples, the wife is using "dear" as a way of excusing the belittling that follows. Like as if saying "DH" makes it okay or proves she loves him anyway. And even when the "DH" is referenced in a positive light, it's still insulting. Like, "DH bought me a diamond bangle for our anniversary! He's the best!" The wife is praising her husband, yet he doesn't deserve a respectable mention?

I couldn't see this as something inconsequential. The trend was picking up and, the more I thought about it, the more clearly I saw how it represented a bigger ill in the way we're treating our marriages.

Women today have this attitude that they are allowed to reference their husbands casually when sharing, complaining and relating. Made possible by the myriads of mom-groups and other public social outlets, this sense of entitlement is dangerous. For many women, it seems that sharing a new common term strengthens the camaraderie and opens the gates for them to let it all out. Saying "Hubby" of "DH" seems to give wives license to kvetch and publicize and overall disrespect—albeit often subtly—their spouse.

Perhaps more damaging is using "Hubby" of "DH" for the cutesy factor. I've had friends tell me they think it's sweet, endearing. But, for real people? Not only are you completely making a joke of something real, but you're using the same word that thousands of other women also use to refer to their husbands. How personal and meaningful can it really be? Moreover, what's with this need to be cutesy? Has our focus on publisizing our lives completely eroded the confidence in our marriages, to the point that we actually think saying "husband" is boring, dry...not good enough? And is this need to be "cutesy"not all too often a display of connection and confidence that may not actually exist behind the curtain? Sure, these are vast claims that surely don't apply to every "user," but its certainly something to think about.

It's as if saying "husband" would hold us to a higher duty that we just, well...can't live up to.

What well-intended woman with a dose of sensitivity can't admit that saying "Hubby" or "DH" (and certainly its usage) is making a mockery of something that demands all our sensitivity and reverence?

I mean, honestly, I would like to meet the woman that enjoys her husband calling her "wifey."

If we truly honored the divine nature of our marital unions, our sensitivity and focus wouldn't be something reserved for the bedroom. It would be reflected in all our gestures, actions—and certainly in our speech.

In fact, perhaps it begins with speech.

When I was twenty, I asked Manis Friedman how I can tell if a man, a potential suitor, truly honors and respects marriage. He answered simply, "It's in the way he talks." Does he say things like "his woman" when referring to someone's wife? Does he laugh at marriage jokes? Propagate stereotypes? In essence, Rabbi Friedman was telling me that if someone is casual about marriage in the way they talk, in the way they actually reference marriage, then it's likely that they lack the appropriate awe and reverence it requires.

As a writer, I couldn't agree more. I am sensitive to how words not only communicate a concept but actually contribute to a state of mind. I beseech women everywhere to consider the effects of their language when speaking of their husbands. It's the difference between respect and belittling; between casualness and importance; essentially between care and disregard.

On the eve of Valentines Day, when the world celebrates "love" with roses and chocolates, let's bring back the respect. With marriage getting bashed and humiliated at every turn today, it's all the more critical for us to be committed to its preservation. We can turn back the hand, starting with our speech. Call your husband what he is. Use his name. Have a little respect for a relationship that is more important than your pet. Start building up your marriage and the sanctity within it, right down to your words. Because if we don't start there, if we allow our very speech to minimize our spouse, how can we possibly say we're giving our marriage all that we've got?

5 Reasons To Look At Your Wedding Pictures

In honor of my anniversary last week, I'm posting some of wedding pictures—accented by my 5 Reasons To Look At Your Wedding Pictures!I hope it can remind all you LadyMamas out there—whether married for one year or 30!—to occasionally look through your album and relive the joy and meaning that was your wedding day! 

1. Get motivated. Whether it's to lose weight or some inspiration to plan a date night, perusing through wedding pictures makes me feel motivated again. It reminds me how things were on the most celebrated day of my life: the body that had the stamina to dance way into the night like a rockstar....the naive, unburdened and limitless love in our eyes. Opening the wedding album is like a little burst of a good self-help book!

2. Feel the love. Of course, the wedding is about you and your spouse. But look at how all your friends and family got dressed up, danced like crazy and showered you with joy. Looking at all the people that attended makes me realize that the people who know and love me create a great big circle of love, joy, care and support.

3. Show the kids. My son has a blast whenever he sees our wedding pictures. "Mama" and "Dada" together—the two people who love him the most— smiling away. I think he wonders why he doesn't see us looking like that on the average day. Maybe that's why he cracks up so hard.

4.  Look how far we've come. I see us as bride and groom and see how much we've changed and grown for each other these past three years. And mostly, how enriched our lives are since bringing our sons into the world. I mean, we were awesome then...but they've only upped our cool-factor.

5. Perspective. Our parents didn't splurge for a big celebration for nothing. They knew that having a beautiful and memorable celebration would always be something to center us, to guide us. No matter where life goes, and what challenges it brings, we have a remarkable beginning to look back to—and remind us that even when years pass since our wedding day, there is something beautiful and true to always return to.

If you're a bride, feel free to e-mail me about my photographer or florists. I will happily rave and provide further information! :) 

Are You Dating? [From February 2007!]

Me and my husband, ten days before our wedding :) 

As I come upon my third year anniversary, I can't help but share this piece I wrote five years ago, when I was twenty years old. It's sort of about being on the Jewish "dating scene" but much more about my desire to truly find my soulmate, without all the "shtick." Perhaps all my single ladies will relate to what I was experiencing at the time!

You can find the original with the comments here.

--------------------

Are You Dating?

The question makes me feel awkward right away.

I hear it.

I pause.

I smile uneasily.

I stumble on my words.

I basically look totally confused.

My answer completely dodges the inquirer's real question.

I always just end up saying, “Yea, I want to get married.”

I just can’t give a yes to the dating inquiry.

Listen.

The last thing I want to do is date.

Ever.

----------

When someone hears I’m 20, their response is immediate.

“So, are you dating?”

Just hearing the word “dating” sends me into complete bewilderment.

I am completely baffled, actually.

Dating?

Did someone just ask me if I am dating?

Is dating something people actually do?

It’s like they know about this trendy thing that all the Jewish youth are getting into.

But, really…

Since when do Jews date?

Who invented such a thing?

I guarantee you, it wasn’t a Jew.

Why?

Because Jews don’t care about dating.

We care about finding our soul mates.

Dating just doesn’t exist in our world.

Whenever someone gets engaged, you always hear those people who say, “Wow, I had no idea that they were dating.”

Well, this is exactly why.

It’s because they weren’t dating.

And because they weren’t dating...they got engaged.

People who date don’t get married. They get to tour some nice hotel lobbies and drink water from fancy bottles. They sharpen their dining etiquette. They may even get to cruise in a nice rental car.

People who date meet people. Boy meets girl. Girl meets boy.

But I’m not interested in meeting a boy.

You have come up to me and said, “Mimi, there’s a great guy I want you to go out with.”

But, come on.

You know I don’t “go out” with guys.

Instead of offering someone you want me to date, why don’t you offer someone you want me to marry?

Just say, “Mimi, I have someone you may want to marry.”

Nothings wrong with that.

That’s how Jews talk.

-----

Last night, someone said to me, “You’re 20?”

“Prime age. You should find your husband very soon.”

Now you’re talking.

Yes, I am looking for my husband.

Not a guy.

Not a boy.

And most definitely not...a date.

Does your spouse know your passwords?

It seems most couples have no problem giving open access to their spouse! A good sign, we'd say! Stay tuned for the next LadyMama poll!

Only a select few important ones.	12 (24%)
We have full access to each other's e-mail, Facebook, and more!	29 (58%)
No way! Just because we're married doesn't mean we don't get privacy!	9 (18%)

Votes so far: 50
Poll closed 

Poll Results! Your feelings about your diamond!

Here are poll results for the latest LadyMama survey, which asked 

you to pick the answer that most reflected your relationship to your diamond! 

Turns out that the old adage still *rings* true!

I should have chose differently.	6 (11%)
I just wish the diamond was bigger!	10 (19%)
Eh, it's just a diamond!	6 (11%)
Diamonds are a girls best friend!	18 (35%)
Don't have one yet, but can't wait!	11 (21%)

Votes so far: 51
Poll closed

Check out the new poll and vote on the right side! 

My Lesson in Communication

By Chana Gutnick-Herzog

Chana shares an experience in her first year of marriage that taught her the importance of not just being a "good wife" but actually communicating! 

 "I loved the wife who wasn't needy. She was independent, confident, and had things under control. 

And she always seemed to be in a good mood. Be like her. She's a good wife..."

My Lesson in Communication

From the moment we got engaged, our conversations with parents, aunts, uncles, older siblings and married friends always ended up with them telling us how to have a healthy marriage. People love to give advice on marriage to newlyweds.

“Trust me…the key to a successful marriage is communication.”

How many times have you heard that one? I would nod, smile and say “Thanks for that..mhhmm, I'm sure..thanks.” Communication? How obvious is that? We didn't need their advice. I wasn't so naïve not to realize that every couple has their challenges, and I knew the line 'marriage is work'  but I was completely head over heels, and he could do no wrong in my eyes. We knew exactly what we were doing. We were crazy about each other.

Why Can't You Date Me?

Anonymous Contribution

You want to use my "story" as an inspirational topic to a group of 

students (how touching), but if I come up as a suggestion for your 

cousin, or your best friends brother, I'm suddenly not as interesting.

Why don't people want to date converts?

I've been dating for almost six years (since my conversion date). Though I've dated guys from born-and-raised-religious, I'm often confronted with situations where a guy is suggested to me only to find out he won't date me because of my convert status. I'm becoming quite accustomed to hearing "Oh, she's a convert? I'm gonna have to pass," or even the "He's busy right now, don't call me, I'll call you if anything changes." This always comes without even a mere inquiry or a glance at my Facebook profile.

Marriage Musings: Delicate Speech

Marriage Musings

By Russi Wachtel

"We were given the gift of speech so that we could embrace others through words. 

Yet, many of us thoughtlessly push others away with the absence of verbal concern."

DELICATE SPEECH

Silly folks, say silly things, akin to the infamous quote “Sticks and stones may break your bones, but names will never hurt you.” The founder of such a saying must have had a midget mind or a deprived temporal lobe.
Words are far more powerful than people give credit – it is our speech that can harm or help build a relationship, especially a relationship between a husband and wife.

How many times have you said something to your husband that you regretted only moment’s later, wishing that you could reel your words back into your mouth in order to make a slight alteration?

When Sensitivity Hurts

By Chana Gutnick-Herzog

Wallowing in my own pity, I refused to admit to myself that he liked the soup.

"You're just trying to make me feel good," I muttered under my breath.

WHEN SENSITIVITY HURTS

There's a famous Chassidic story of a man who visited his Rebbe complaining that people were always offending him. He whined of constantly being verbally and emotionally attacked, and asked the Rebbe what he could have done to deserve such treatment. The Rebbe wisely responded, "Maybe if you stop spreading yourself all over the place, people will stop stepping on you!"

-----

I confess. I was acting like a high-strung wife. My husband had innocently asked me if the onion soup was supposed to be a creamy color, as he thought onion soup was usually a dark brown. I blinked slowly and swallowed, trying to hold back the tears.

More Men See Marriage, Family as the 'Ultimate Male Status Symbol'

By Elissa Strauss

Well it looks like the emasculated husbands who appear in the bulk of beer and car ads aren’t too representative of the typical American male. Men, it turns out, actually like being married and having a family.

Continue reading:

More Men See Marriage, Family as the 'Ultimate Male Status Symbol' – The Sisterhood – Forward.com

The Overweight Shidduch Maidel

By Mimi Hecht

"Your destiny is not decided by your daintiness….
...and soul mates are not just for skinny people.”

Dear Mimi,

I have been shidduch-dating for years now, and have yet to find my soul mate. People tell me that I am a great catch and that any guy would be lucky to have me. But why am I still single? Is it because I am overweight? I feel frustrated with the way matchmakers represent me and wish the shidduch-system would allow someone to first see me for who I am. The entire saga makes me feel depressed. I feel if I was a size two, I would get many more suggestions. Perhaps you can address this in your next column?

Thank you,

An Overweight Shidduch Maidel

Dear Overweight Shidduch Maidel,

While the use of intermediaries to find our mates is a successful method that goes a long way in protecting people’s feelings and narrowing in on the most fitting suitors, nothing is flawless. Your frustration puts a spotlight on one of the perils of the shidduch system, namely its inadequacy in representing and advocating for those that have everything to offer but may not be best represented by descriptions on a sheet of paper. Of all the complaints people have about dating,

Money after Marriage

 Marraige Musings

By Russi Wachtel 

MONEY AFTER MARRIAGE

Money was never an issue for me. I either had it or I didn’t. Most of the time, I didn’t. Mostly because the money I made was the money I spent only moments later on something that I undoubtedly needed, like another dress to fit into my already crowded closet, or $30 underwear that made my tush feel like it was wrapped in pure silk. But, because I was single and living at home - the only bills being my cell-phone and gym - it was ok that I treated money like something I could play around with. Whether I had money or not didn’t really affect me; it just meant that I would have to wait one more week until I would get my next pay-check to buy whatever it is that I was eyeing at that moment. 

After getting married, money became a much bigger issue.

Marriage Musings: Moshiach and Marriage

Marriage Musings

By Russi Wachtel

MOSHIACH AND MARRIAGE

Moshiach and marriage are two concepts that had always baffled me. Both ideas had my primitive belief that one day they would occur, but when and how were adverbs that played a big part in preventing my undeveloped trust from becoming a more genuine one.

One factor about marriage that fazed me was the idea of a soul mate. How was I to believe that one person, out of millions, was suppose to be “my one and only” and that, somehow, with the help of the divine, we would cosmically find each other, and like magnets, connect. Beyond how, I was confounded by the thought of when I would get married. At that time, I had no known prospects in sight and so the idea that at any moment I could meet my beshert amazed me!

I also had difficulties picturing myself married. I couldn’t imagine a life so different than the one I was living. For me, trying to imagine myself married was like trying to recall a dream. I could visualize bits and pieces but there was a block when trying to grasp the entire concept.

Similarly, with the idea of Moshiach - I believed with certainty in its ultimate revelation but when and how it would happen puzzled me. How could it be possible that at any minute Moshiach could come! Was I really supposed to accept that with a sound of a shofer my entire world would change?! The entire concept of having a world so different than the one we live in today confounded me! I couldn’t conceive of a time where my materialistic wants and needs would be replaced with only a sublime thirst to connect to Hashem.

My jumbled thoughts on Moshiach remained the same until I met my husband. My husband and I had it easy recognizing each other as each others soul mate. After dating for just two weeks, we made plans to get married. It all happened really quickly; with a snap of a finger, my entire life changed! As my feelings for my husband grew, so did my belief in Moshiach. With my husband at my side, I realized that beautiful things like finding ones soul mate and Moshiach could happen!  It dawned on me that Moshiach really could be right around the corner!  Just like my husband was!

Marriage Musings: Chaos in the Kitchen

Marriage Musings

By Russi Wachtel

Come back every week for Russi's marriage musings as

she addresses every aspect of life as a newlywed!

Read more about Russi on the author page!

 CHAOS IN THE KITCHEN

If I had a door to my kitchen, I would post a sign on it warning any innocent bystanders to keep away while I cook.  The sign would say something like, “I hope you have health insurance because if you enter and get hurt, I am not paying for the damages.”

Unfortunately, my kitchen does not have a door so there have been times when people have wandered in only to escape seconds later with

Marriage Musings: Getting Rid of the Jiggle

**NEW LADYMAMA AUTHOR**

Marriage Musings

By Russi Wachtel

Come back every week for Russi's marriage musings as 

she addresses every aspect of life as a newlywed! 

Read more about Russi on the author page!

GETTING RID OF THE JIGGLE 

A jiggle here and a jiggle there and I realized that my affair with food was not kosher.  I picked up on this after trying to fit into my spring clothing, and after trying on numerous skirts and none of them fitting, it hit me! There I was, one year into my marriage ,with an added fifteen pounds around my waist!

If only my love for food was like an elementary school crush that ends the second some extra pounds and a few pimples appear. Sadly though, it isn’t. Foods, all kinds of food, occupy my thoughts and fill me with longing and desire, which means that my relationship with food is much more than just a fleeting romance.

Before getting married, I was able to sublimate my cravings for food by cooking with healthy ingredients while reserving the extra calories for the desserts. That way, I was able to feed my hunger while also giving into my cravings. At night I would work off the cake by doing some tushy squats and sit-ups and - viola! - I was able to maintain a pretty svelte figure.

After getting married, my eating habits began to change to match that of my husbands. My husband’s diet is a little different than mine in that it includes every single fattening ingredient possible. He is able to turn a healthy dinner, such as grilled chicken and steamed vegetables, into an oil-fest by making slight improvisations on the dinner menu.The hard part is that every single thing he cooks tastes like a piece of heaven. He puts such spirit and energy into the preparations of the food that it is difficult to say no when just the smell of it makes my tummy growl with anticipation.

As it turned out, not only did my healthy eating habits wither away but with time so did my exercise routine.  The result: added weight and an extra wiggle in my walk. My husband’s insistent compliments that the additional weight only made for more loving didn’t exactly help either. Eleven months and fifteen pounds later, I found myself sucking in my stomach in order to squeeze into a skirt that fit me just a few months earlier. It was a pretty tough situation to be in.  Not only was I struggling with the zipper but I also had to face reality that my body did not appreciate the way I was treating it for the last few months.

It was then that I realized that if I didn’t make a quick change to my lifestyle then the weight would just continue to pile on until I would feel extremely dissatisfied with myself and my body.  It took imagining myself as a sumo wrestler to really get me going.

With vigor I began to workout and eat better, which helped me lose six pounds. My husband has joined me on my quest and is also losing some weight.  With a bit of compromising and little give and take, we have been able to workout meal plans that keep us both happy.  

As a newlywed, I had difficulty dealing with the lifestyle change that came with getting married. I didn’t know how to combine the habits of single life with married life. Now, a year later and six pounds lighter, I realize the importance of integrating my old ways into my new life. Adjusting to the lifestyle change that comes with marriage has its complications. However, with some time and creativity, a couple can find the midline between what worked for them when they were single and what works for them as a husband and wife.

Alternative Explanations

Try these Alternative Explanations for your spouse behavior.

Thank you, Chabad.org!

Is Marriage Good for Your Health? - NYTimes.com

Is Marriage Good for Your Health? - NYTimes.com