10 Things I Recently Did That I Excused with "I'm Pregnant!"
I hate to be a complain freak, or irrational, or mindless or stubborn. But, alas, I'm pregnant. Now isn't that an excuse for everything? Here are my latest excuses - true happenings from a second-time-expecting, constantly-excusing and totally pregnant-brained LadyMama.
1. I took my heels off and walked around without shoes at my brothers fancy engagement party. Ouch! I'm pregnant!
2. I finished most of the Belgium waffle I was meant to share with four other people. I'm pregnant! And embarrassed.
3. I went to bed at 9:30. I'm pregnant! Or aging. Okay, both.
4. I tried on a diamond ring at a Jeweler and was walking out wearing it until someone reminded me. I'm so sorry, I'm pregnant!
5. I didn't wear a coat when I went out in freezing weather. Don't look at me like that! I'm pregnant and overheating!
6. I refused to carry my own child. I was with my mother and brother, who happily obliged. I'm pregnant! I'm carrying enough!
7. I left a family party early without spending time to say goodbye to everyone. I'm pregnant, give me a break! Just get me home!
8. I dropped something and made someone else pick it up. Okay, change that sentence to the more active, "I drop things and make people pick it up." Like, all the time. Since entering the seventh month. I'm pregnant, can't you see?!
9. I tried on something out of the dressing room. And I don't mean a pair of sunglasses. I mean a dress. I'm pregnant and not going in there! Hello! Claustrophobia!
10. I wore a ridiculous amount of makeup to meet a friend for coffee. Do you even know what it takes to look good and refreshed these days? I'm pregnant!
If you listen to the above circumstances, the word "pregnant" can be interchanged with "Uncomfortable," "Fat," "Tired," "Scatterbrained" and even, well, "Ugly." Don't you so want to be pregnant now? Ha! But the truth is, the wonderful world of pregnancy truly does entirely consume all facets of our emotional, mental and spiritual being. The least we deserve is to be able to use it as an excuse for all sorts of completely abnormal and utterly inexcusable behavior.