Thursday, November 18, 2010

Like It Or Not, We're Flying With You

By Mimi Hecht 

"I'm sorry we're not the angelic, no-crying mom-and-child duo that exists in your dreams."


This week, a report on the increasing demand for child-free or family-only flights was featured in the travel section of the New York Times. The article, which would have been better placed in the comedy section, details the complaints of fliers with a growing in-flight fear: babies and kids. Their suggestion? Kick the families off and give them their own flight. 


Oh, the absurdity! 

To all the travelers that can't handle even a dose of the discomfort that comes with having babies and kids on your flight, I have this to say:

1) You were once a baby. Don't forget that. Your mother once dragged your crying and dirty butt through all kinds of situations, many which involved embarrassing herself in front of non-understanding strangers while you threw a total fit because of discomfort, hunger...or simple boredom! So please, stop looking at me like you've been this old grump your whole life...we all know you wore diapers once, too.

2) Flight #286 may be taking you to your vacation destination, but the plane itself is not a hotel resort. You're flying Delta to get from Point A to Point B. Sorry we're cramping your style. But until they make "Obese-Only Flights" and "I-Have-Awful-Body-Odor Flights," you're going to have to put up with our adorable crying babies for the remainder of your trip.

3) We're sorry you're sixty years old and bitter than you've never been married nor known the joys of raising a child. But, seriously, don't subject us to your issues. Perhaps they'll make a "In-Need-Of-Therapy Flight" soon, but until then...deal with your regrets in a graceful way. If you behave, I'll let you hold the baby

4) Your attitude and incessant audible sighing is making me stressed. And my stress is stressing out the baby. When the baby is stressed, he cries. It's something for you to think about; that you'll be helping matters by being a bit more understanding. Especially since you don't have the option of escaping for a smoke in the bathroom. Oh, wait! Maybe you're next big idea is for them to make "Smokers-Only Flights!

5) Do you think this is easy for us? Do you think our in-laws didn't have to spend months convincing us to make this trip? I'm not having fun. So please, stop glaring at me like I am trying to subject you to all this. I also wish it were a bit more calm in this cramped aisle. I'm sorry we're not the angelic, no-crying mom-and-child duo that exists in your dreams. But since we're not, and my kids are just being normal kids, I am putting on a smile and making the best out of it. Since your assigned seat was destined to deal with this, I suggest you join the party. 


For everyone else, there's always the emergency exit.

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[Of course, with all this in mind, it is still the responsibility of every parent traveler to be extra organized and courteous when traveling with their baby or kids. Just like it's not the complainer’s Hilton, it is not your family's playground. And when your baby is screaming, go above and beyond (and even break your own rules if need be) to keep the baby calm. With both parties efforts and understanding, we can continue to journey together and arrive at our destination as stronger, more wise, experienced and tolerant citizens of the world.]


10 LadyMama voices:

Tzippy said... [Reply to comment]

Mimi this made me laugh so hard! very well written and its soooo true!

Anonymous said... [Reply to comment]

Mimi this is so good. Spot on!

Anonymous said... [Reply to comment]

terrific! well said!

On the other hand said... [Reply to comment]

I don't completely agree with your arguments. If you decided to have a baby, that's your choice and kudos to you - but it does not have to be everyone else's problem. The argument that we have all been babies doesn't help because that wasn't a choice we made either, and getting rid of ourselves as children has been out of style since before any of us were born.
The point is, it's your choice to enjoy loud music or garlic or babies but everyone around you shouldn't have to suffer from your choice.

Having said that, I don't think child-only flights are a good idea either because where will it stop? You can't ban babies from the subway or buses or taxis or streets! Therefore, we all need to work together here and make things easier for all of us. We ALL need to be less grouchy, more friendly and more tolerant of stress just as we are tolerant of the engine's noise.

And for G-d's sake, save that aromatic tuna sandwich for after landing. (Although if you do decide to open it on the plane, I will not give you dirty looks or sigh impatiently.) Thank you.

Becky said... [Reply to comment]

My husband and I once (ONCE!) flew on a plan our lonesome selves. A mother walked on with her infant, my husband and I both eyed the empty seat next to us and then the mother with the infant. We both chanted inaudibly, "please not us, please not us, please not us.." And we have been babies and we HAVE babies.

No one likes to sit next to us (us being the infant holders and toddler wranglers). Doesn't matter if they have kids or not. Babies and kids are ticking time bombs. No one is going to enjoy a screaming baby and no one is going to enjoy a restless toddler. It's the way it goes.

The way I get through it is I think of my biggest pet peeve, People who chew with their mouths wide open for all to hear and see. I can't go over to someone and tap them and say "do you mind keeping it down over there?" I just grin and bear it. The same with a flight. Just pray it will be over with soon, grab your stroller when you deplane and go about the rest of your life.

If G-d forbid there is a crisis on the plane and G-d forbid it has to crash land, you most probably would be the first one asked to get off. There is a bright side to everything, right?

IFlyAlone said... [Reply to comment]

Sorry to say, but you are way off the mark. We who travel alone, especially for business or other short stays at our destination, need to be well rested upon arrival. We should NOT have to put up with children disturbing us, their parents' baby talk etc, etc, etc. A plane is not a playground or a daycare. In fact, any parent whose child disturbs passengers should be subject to a surcharge, paid by credit card onboard, or even misdemeanor desk appearance and fine "disturbing the peace" charges upon landing.

Separate sections are indeed a good idea, and a child free flight on certain runs is a great idea and one I would pay for when I need to rest during the flight.

(In all fairness it is the families with children who should pay a surcharge for family flights, although airlines would probably do well to run promotions on such flights. In general lone fliers who are disturbed by children have more disposable income and can pay for the peace of a child free flight).

Anonymous said... [Reply to comment]

Good grief. And when you're old and senile someday and drool all over yourself and yell at people randomly, people will be more than happy to lock you up in a tiny room where the world will forget about you? Does that sound nice? Not very. In a society we all have to live with each other. And since families with children and babies have got to use plane, train, or ship to get where they need to go, well, you have to just bear with it. Because there are parents who try, and dread you just as much as you dread them. Oftentimes the people with the most complaints are the ones with the most traits for people to complain about. It goes around both ways. I'll admit the above mentioned opener was a bit extreme and emotionally charged. I'm sorry about the intensity. Just, having had to make the flight from Israel to America with an infant wS not easy. Especially since it was an emergency flight for us. Your parents should have taught you manners, understanding and love of your fellow human being,

Anonymous said... [Reply to comment]

Good grief. And when you're old and senile someday and drool all over yourself and yell at people randomly, people will be more than happy to lock you up in a tiny room where the world will forget about you? Does that sound nice? Not very. In a society we all have to live with each other. And since families with children and babies have got to use plane, train, or ship to get where they need to go, well, you have to just bear with it. Because there are parents who try, and dread you just as much as you dread them. Oftentimes the people with the most complaints are the ones with the most traits for people to complain about. It goes around both ways. I'll admit the above mentioned opener was a bit extreme and emotionally charged. I'm sorry about the intensity. Just, having had to make the flight from Israel to America with an infant wS not easy. Especially since it was an emergency flight for us. Your parents should have taught you manners, understanding and love of your fellow human being,

BeenAroundTheWorld77 said... [Reply to comment]

Wow. The 'issue' making it to the news finally does not surprise me much. I've spoken of it many times and have been on both sides of the coin. What does surprise me though, are the staunch sentiments of 'IFlyAlone'... I've been there too. I was a single (or 'alone' as you say) traveler for about ten years. You name the country and if I haven't spent a week there I've likely been in it's airport. And, like so many others, whenever I would be seated either next to, in front of, or directly behind a family with children - I would find myself so annoyed at 'my luck', and then spent half the flight trying to turn up my earphone volume, trying to minimize my agitation at being kicked in the back at times or having a kid next to me grabbing at my armrest or such. It sure was annoying, but I don't think I ever felt a sense of entitlement as 'IFlyAlone' seems to. I never thought that perhaps they should 'pay' for their 'issue' of having children aboard. Is that not the most ridiculous thing you've heard? People were outraged when airlines wanted to up charges for overweight passengers/force them to purchase a second seat - well let me tell you THAT is a whole lot more understandable. But I'm sure if you were overweight you would vehemently disagree. And if your mother was you would as well. Well - you CHOSE to be fat, no? Sure (most) people chose to have kids - but what's more important is that we all were once kids. It's a pity how fast we can forget the patience others bestowed us so that we could reach adulthood in relative peace as we did. My point really is not to prove something that is pretty much impossible to prove until you have visited the 'other side' (and I hope you will if you are so inclined, in the right time) - but I will say that after all those years of solo travel, after all those private eye-rolls upon seeing mothers with kids in tow approach my seating area - I now am a mother. I too fly with kids. I PAY for their seats as you do yours. To some people out there you may have bad breath, you may let off some unpleasant body odors at times, yet this is part of the risk/trade-off we take when flying. Flying if you ask me is as unsanitary as anything gets. You are literally inhaling recycled air particles and body odors from all the people around you. You will rarely be exposed to as many germs as you will be on the plane. And yes, you are risking being exposed to any amount of unpleasant noise, movement or commentary from those flying around you - including the drunk guy who once sat next to me on a 12 hour flight (and I do mean drunk and slumped over onto my shoulder), including the old woman who asked me to please hold her dentures while she cleaned her gums, and including the mother with her 1 year old child on her lap crying - much to your dismay. There are many wonderful travel accessories out there which cost a LOT less than diapers and the rest of what us mothers have to stash into our 'carry-ons' (better termed 'haul-ons' if you ask me), namely: earplugs, nose plugs, face masks, eye masks, heck I'm sure they even sell personal bubble protectors if you search hard enough. And if you really find you don't like that and can't find a way to settle the butterflies in your stomach at flying with families - why not request a seat on the wing. No doubt you won't hear any bothersome noises there. If motherhood is in your future - I hope you still sign back on to hear to update your remarks. What a world away your views will be when your much-more-significant stresses are being written from 'the other side' of flying. I hope you find a way to be a little more understanding in your travels.

PS: I've flown business and first and have been shown nothing but adoration and understanding from other passengers. If anyone else had an issue, they didn't vocalize or show it, and I didn't hear any sighs over the engine drum.

Glad Hatter said... [Reply to comment]

IFlyAlone, then in all fairness we should charge people for talking too loudly, having their music on too loud, hogging the armrest, keeping their seat reclined the whole flight, snoring, getting airsick, or making too many bathroom trips. The flight attendants will become as popular as meter maids.